‘Idiot Quest Taste Explosion’ Is Here For You
Like a culinary waterslide with spikes at the end of it.
put the meat where your mouth is
A brief Q&A with the site curator. Send your questions to mordzook [at] gmail [dot] com.
Question: Is this is a site where food dreams come true?
Answer: No, this is a memoir of my food exploration. I didn’t grow up cooking, but I’ve had a life-long obsession with food (I always laugh at this cliche, because it’s a bit redundant; wouldn’t I be dead if I didn’t have a life-long obsession with food? Yes.). Here, I intend to document my trials and general idiocy in the kitchen and outside of it, at places such as Asian markets or co-op dumpster bins.
Question: Are you on the Food Network? Can you autograph my chest?
Answer: You are simple-minded. My goal is not to make it onto the Food Network. You see, the Food Network is so very 2005. Sure, there are quiet legends, such as Ina Garten, roaming among the gargantuan squawk-boxes at FN, but these people inflate food and food culture to a silly degree. I would never do that! (Interested Food Network execs can e-mail me here re. show/product line ideas.) As for your other question, I obviously can autograph your chest; but what’s in it for me?
Question: What is your food philosophy?
Answer: If it makes you feel guilty when thinking about it, it’s probably going to taste really good.
Question: What’s with the name?
Answer: What’s with your name, stupid-face? Hah! But, really! The name is everything I hope this place will become: an idiot quest taste explosion.
Question: Do you know how to cook?
Answer: Silly question, really. Like asking a priest if he knows how to unbutton young boys’ trousers with one hand placed on the Bible behind the confessional. (Editor’s Note: This will be the only priest/child molestation joke in the entire history of idiot quest taste explosion. Thank you for allowing this cringe-inducing, nearly irrelevant joke.)
