the IDIOT QUEST TASTE EXPLOSION

1.)   You never really see any statuses that say things like, “Man, today I am hungry! Stupid life.” Statuses are usually more like, “Dude, a snow plow hit my car. FML LOL.” America, which is the same as Facebook, should start celebrating the ordinary. Today, update on the obvious. Maybe you can start out with: “woke up today. don’t know what to do now.”

Give it a try! Let me know how it goes.

Or you can do whatever the hell you want.

Have a great day, Internet! I’ll be busy processing your leave from work. Also, don’t get killed by that blizzard-ish thing, Minnesota-region.

1.) You know, I can be an obsessive person. That is, when I’m not being a really apathetic lazy person, I can be spr obsessive and Type A. Honestly! What? You want a relevant example? Well, lately I’ve been won over and possessed by The Awl, a Gawkerish—minus the pop culture—site that I first brushed off for its snobbery, and it’s lack of pop culture. But something has happened: either I’ve become snobbier, or they’ve settled down a bit. It’s likely the former. Whatever the case, I’ve become passionate(!) about it.

2.) There’s currently a transfer of commenting power occurring on the Internet. All of the Internet’s good commenteurs have headed over to The Awl, where they’ve parked their snark-filled asses and set up their 40 oz. Cum-N-Go brand convenience store coffees with the curly straw of their choice, and have begun making stellar content for this still fledgling e-rag. Seriously: sometimes the Internet feels like a vapid (but enjoyable!) dump where one goes to see what lucky comment slag is “FiRST!11!!!” But The Awl reminds us that some people went to good colleges, or perhaps read good books before digital became the thang thang thang, and that these people now use their powers for increasing common good for promoting themselves in an intelligent manner.

I give The Awl four and half out of six Golden Digital Phalli.

Suggested Reading For Beginners: Oriental Snack Review with Mary HK Choi

Gawker Media is going to begin offering their writers the opportunity to be full-time employees. This is big news for people who enjoy health insurance and the panache of real employment. Or maybe they still won’t get health insurance. It’s hard to say, seeing as how I really know nothing about this, and this blog is totally okay with ripping off real-ish reporting, as is typical in today’s e-environment.

But still! Real employees! So what does this mean? You guessed it: the move obviously signals the triumphant return of the writer as a central figure in society. No longer will your relatives scoff when you suggest you’d like to make a career penning charming little stories about sexually confused hipsters. You’ll be understood, and liked. And that’s what the Internet taught us this morning.

Also, I’ve ordered an iPhone, because I’d like to be poorer. And cooler!

Image: Gawker Media founder Nick Denton is the man responsible for making writers feel like real people.