What Would Beyonce Eat?
Beyonce about to get her Mexican eat on.
IN A PERFECT world, the diets of our favorite celebrities would be as easily accessible as their sex tapes. But alas, our food culture is not as transparent as their between-the-sheets philandering. People often lie about where they eat, what they eat, and especially how often, because food, and specifically “diets,” are personal topics, subjects ripe for the judgmentalists of the world to pick upon. Examining a person’s diet is just like reading their palm, except maybe more accurate in determining their future. (It is a funny kind of math where pounds of bacon consumed in your quarter-life corresponds to the severity of your mid-life cardiac arrest.) So, the more self-conscious among us hide our affairs with calorific nom noms. Celebrities are no exception.
When I awoke this morning, I turned on my computer and realized I’d Googled myself silly before bedtime. Sometimes I ask Google questions like it’s some kind of crystal ball, which it obviously is. The last thing I queried before blacking out was “What would Beyonce eat?” The question may seem odd, but trust me, it’s relevant to my life as of late: in just the past week I’ve attended a Beyonce-themed dance party in an abandoned coffee shop, got pumped up for work one morning with a little Beyonce solo session, and celebrated her 28th birthday by drinking lots of vodka with friends and then dancing about in an overly sequined room (overly sequined in a good way). Last night my obsession with food collided with my non-sexual passion for her curves, and voila!, it was three in the morning and I was knee-deep in Internet speculation about her pork skin munching. Enthrallment ensued.
Basil: Green, Delicious, Makes Romans Proud
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Above: A helpless young child enjoys her greens
I suddenly have an overwhelming amount of basil to work with! Actually I’m not overwhelmed at all. But I’m pretty sure that tomorrow evening I’ll make some sort of pesto, even though I’ve got an old-fashioned craving for homemade pizza. Now that I’m a working man I’ve been eating a lot simple things, like raw carrots. I’m pretty awesome.
Well, I’d hate to have you leave this idiotic space empty-handed, so, a fun-fact: ancient Romans used basil as a breath freshener, and I do too. In fact, the first “bow-chicka-wawa” campaign was launched just outside of modern-day Rome a few thousand years ago; it was paid for by the Basil Growers Collective in an effort to persuade undersexed young men to buy the product. Ain’t no easier way to woo a woman, apparrently.
Lucky for us, the campaign worked. If it weren’t for this ancient marketing push, basil would continue to be nothing but an oft-peed-upon roadside weed. Thanks, ancient marketers!
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